OD 1.27.2003 [5:59 p.m.]

i was so floored, i had to go play Sims?

==

....aka....

WHERE THE FUCK WERE YOU GUYS WHEN I NEEDED YOU?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

MY GODDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD.

HOLY SHIT-FUCK!

(no, don't take that literally)

so like. heh! haa. omfg, incoheeeerent *loopy*

ahem, *starts again*

so, like. played w/ mei (obviously). just, you know, decker getting back, all physically f'ed up from his near-death experience, and her minorly mentally f'ed up from her fomor experience (heh, STed a little john woo scene for mei last night too cuz she felt left out). apparently near death experiences do breed massive propagation instincts, though, cuz it was just CHARGED. from this post here:

Imogen Slaughter

Mon 12:48AM EST

They had a habit of staring at each other, and if his stare, appreciation and self consultation. Anyone else might have made a decision through words. ('Why don't we meet...' or 'Drive me there, and we can come back later to pick up my...')

Anyone else, and breath would be wasted on words that could be used for something more important. Such as breathing in and out. She hates small talk and the shallowness it brings. He cannot make small talk, if his life depended on it.

Sometimes, this arrangement suits them both just fine.

He reaches out, tendering back her hair, and her head moves slightly, a brush of her cheek against the heel of his hand, brief momentary contact, that ends in a half nod, acknowledging his change of plans.

"Alright, then," she agrees, and she steps away, walking around the hood of the car, passing him as she walks to the driver's side. Keys slide into the lock (no automatic locks here), and she slides inside, leaning across the passenger's side to unlock the door for him. Keys into the ignition, the driver's side door slams shut. Engine turns over and the car starts as he gets inside.

Part of her attention turned toward pulling out of her parking spot and starting toward the freeway, and another part turned to pulling the seatbelt across her torso as she drives, she asks, "Is everyone back?"

--in particular that middle paragraph, the little one, omfg, you know, this part?

"He reaches out, tendering back her hair, and her head moves slightly, a brush of her cheek against the heel of his hand, brief momentary contact, that ends in a half nod, acknowledging his change of plans."

holy.

shit.

it was just NONSTOP MADNESS. or well. okay. it subsided a bit so that i wasn't an incoherent puddle on the floor, but.

holeechit.

he rides home with her (leaving his truck on the street, heh) to go back to rune's. then he goes upstairs with her to walk her to her door. then he walks inside to sleep on her couch. and all this time: DAAAAYUM-ness. just. TEN.SION. partciularly in retrospect, as i'm reading it now. heh. man, i'm like so blunt to the tension sometimes until it's so great it SMACKS ME IN THE FACE (as it did later).

anyway, then he's on her couch with a pillow and a blanket and he's like goodnight (and by now it's 1am my time) and mei's like:

Bodhar: Short post back!

Bodhar: FYI, I'm gonna be on at least another half an hour. I'm doing a download with Jess.

ElementalShiva: *LOL* okay.

ElementalShiva: (didn't see that til i posted, heh, but that's cool. i never complain when you stay up late 8smirk*)

Bodhar: (No, I know you don't. *grins* I guess I'll close with this post, though?)

so i'm like. UH?! ACK!

ElementalShiva: *tears hair*

ElementalShiva: i don't know?!!!

ElementalShiva: *LMAO*

ElementalShiva: just POST SOMETHING

Bodhar: Haha.

Bodhar: Sorry.

Bodhar: Oka y.

Bodhar: Evil question to ask, I apologize.

up til then, realize, i'd put up a pretty good act of non-yellery.

anyway, then she posts. at this point i still think there's a chance he'll just docilely go to bed, but HER NEXT FING POST IS THIS:

Imogen Slaughter

Mon 04:07AM EST

Half lies and truths, sins of omission are the worst kind, because later, she has the problem of explaining why she didn't say something then. Why she says nothing. They weren't letting her go to work tomorrow. She doubts it's because they care, more likely because they're afraid she might sue them, otherwise. Emotional distress. As she will not very well sit and do nothing, she will work on her court cases.

But first...

But first, she was going to sleep fourteen hours or so, and try and get somewhere toward feeling normal. "Yeah," she agrees, her hand cutting pale through the darkness, soft white skin picking up the glow of the hallway light, as if had it's own inner light, skin translucent so he might think he can see the pulse of blood beneath her flesh. The touch is fleeting, momentary across the crest of his shoulder, and for a moment, it seems like she might kiss him, screw his damned self imposed edict, among other things. But she can smell his blood, and the moment passes, her hand falling away. "'Night, Rohl."

Sleep well seems like a good finality to this farewell, but instead, her slender figures turns, and she begins to walk away. First the hall light, extinguishing it's glow. Then the hallway of her bedroom, and assumedly, sleep beyond.

--oh.my.lawwwwd.

ENSUE. PANDEMONIUM. i like. PACED THE GROUND and YELLED AT JESS (sicne NONE OF YOU BOTHERED TO BE ON) for TWENTY MINUTES cuz i knew he was gonna, er, go for it? but then! jesus christ that's stupid, he's got like 2-3 agg damage going still and she might be disturbed if the bandages come loose and a coil of intestine falls out or something

and...

anyway, yellery (as filtered thru mei, cuz i closed jess's window long ago):

ElementalShiva: i can't believe wolf and lessa BOTH ditched me.

Bodhar: (dies)

Bodhar: Go yell at Jess.

ElementalShiva: it's not the same.

Bodhar: Well. You can't yell at me.

ElementalShiva: i know. hush. go away! *LMAO*

Bodhar: But you said!!

Bodhar: (goes back to my damned book and ignores little flashy Damon lights)

ElementalShiva: *ROTFLMAO*

Bodhar: Hush, I'm ignoring you now.

ElementalShiva: ... *cracking up*

ElementalShiva: BahmloDrom: "Decker once again doesn't know WTF to do or say."

ElementalShiva: that's her suggestion for a post.

Bodhar: (LOL)

Bodhar: I take it back, don't yell at her.

ElementalShiva: *dies*

ElementalShiva: okay. 8goes begin to post* heh.

...then i post:

Decker Rohl

Mon 04:37AM EST

She turns. She walks away. It's a simple progression. Hall light. Hallway. Bedroom. Bed. Sleep.

Or it would be if he'd let her go - which, of course, he doesn't. She can feel the surge of tension beneath her fleeting touch, as though some opposite charge had rushed into the skin directly beneath her fingertips. And when her touch slips away, his other hand comes up sure and fast to clamp over her wrist, sudden and firm, harder than he'd intended.

He doesn't look at her. His attention had been (had been) focused entirely and determinedly on the delicate process of rearranging arms and legs in the quickest, smoothest, least painful way possible. Presented with his profile, though, she can still see the furrow of some sort of intense concentration across his brow as he, and not for the first time tonight, consults with himself.

Reasons. A million and one against, and only ever one (utterly. convincing.) for. He licks his lips once.

He does look at her. Sideways and up. He licks his lips again, and damned if he knew why his pulse still slammed like that. It's reassuring, perhaps, to feel her pulse in her wrist, and that's when he realizes how hard he's holding her arm.

He loosens his grip, then. She could pull away if she wished. If she knew what was good for him, because he sure as hell didn't. Next time he was going straight home. Next time he wasn't going to follow her inside. Next time he wasn't going to ride with her home. Next time he wasn't even going to sit on her fucking car, and -

"Really oughta go sleep." Him or her or both. Distractions never helped for long. In the dimness, not quite darkness, he's savage and half-feral, one instinct warring with another. Propagation and survival. In the dimness, he's elevated breathing, pounding heartrate, dilated pupils in darkened grey eyes, and his hand tightens again a notch on her wrist, barely perceptible. "But I don't think I fuckin' wanna anymore."

--in like, 10 min *LMAO* cuz for all my yelling, it just FLOOOOWED.

heh.

then.

mei's silent for like 25 min. and then she posts THIS. HUMONGOUS. post. and i don't read it at first, i talk to her:

Bodhar: (laughs) Well, I need to figure out how idiotic SHE'S going to be. So. Leave me alone, because I can't very well yell at you.

ElementalShiva: *LOL* all right *hushes*

ElementalShiva: i'ma go read up on waht corran's up to, heh

Bodhar: You're TYPING...

Bodhar: Okay, you do that.

ElementalShiva: (isn't typing anymore!)

Bodhar: Posted.

ElementalShiva: holy. FUCK.

ElementalShiva: 25 minutes for that!?

Bodhar: Twenty-two!

ElementalShiva: what are you on, crack? *LMAO*

ElementalShiva: 22?

Bodhar: Oh no wait.

ElementalShiva: *smirk*

ElementalShiva: mei, mei, mei.

Bodhar: Get over it.

Bodhar: We know I can't do math.

ElementalShiva: i shoulda bought you a calculator for xmas.

ElementalShiva: *snickers*

Bodhar: I would never use it.

ElementalShiva: *LOL* *goes read and all*

Bodhar: (goes to brush teeth and all)

ElementalShiva: if you're gonna brush teeth ya--yeah.

then i read it.

and.

ooo

mmm

fff

ggg

!!!

Imogen Slaughter

Mon 05:02AM EST

She had meant to pull away, and leave him, because she knew what was best for him, and this was not it, and neither had been inviting him inside. She had meant to leave him to this, go and sleep and decide what on earth she was going to do in the morning, because while her regular lack of sleep was not quite detrimental the last two days seemed like one, and it was reaking havok on her system.

That she needed him enough to want him to stay badly enough. And weakness was intolerable and wrong, and she should not have touched him.

She had meant to pull away but his hand snaps out catching her wrist in a firm grip. He can feel the flutter beat of her pulse (proof of life) beneath his fingers, on the underside of the wrist, a counter point to his own heartbeat. He might be leaving bruises again, and her muscles are strained beneath his touch, caught between wanting to fight to get away. And fight to get closer. He loosens his grip, and now she can get away, but her arm doesn't move, and the contact is still there, a solid pressure, a change from the fleeting touches of earlier.

God, and she just wanted to --

She moves, knees bending, weight shifting, leaning forward until her forehead presses against his for a moment, and the smell of blood mixes with that of bandages and tape, clothing and sweat and some smell that cannot quite be contained or described, not to her human senses. She smells of cold air and soap and fresh leather where the new holster has left it's smell on her.

"Neither do I."

One hand rests on the carved wood of the couch, careful not to touch him beyond the contact of his hand on her wrist and her forehead against his. If she pulled away, if she wishes, and her arm slides from his grip now, moving until her hand rests flat against the bulge of the bandages across his stomach. Surgeon's precision, her touch is so light, he can hardly tell she's touching him beyond a faint prickle of sensation and the sound of the faintest crinkling of the the bandage beneath her fingers. This close he can hear and feel her breath against his own mouth, and while this close the lack of light makes it impossible to see her eyes, he knows she's looking at him. This close, he can feel the trembling of her frame, and not from fear (not mostly, anyway, and the fear is not from him).

A million and one against and one for. It's a very good reason, solid and more pleasant than the million and one against. But sometimes... (I gotta go. You should go. 'Night Imogen, 'Night, Rohl).

....Sometimes....

Her inhalation is slow, forced, her breath spiked by the smell of his blood, and he can feel, just barely, the movement of her hand against the bandage. Sometimes. "I wish..." a half murmered comment, not meant for his ears so much as her thoughts, left dangling and hanging, cut off and abandoned, perhaps as she realizes she spoke aloud.

She pulls away, despite it all, despite her heart beating fast and her breath aching in her chest. Despite the fact it's been days and he could be dead right now, and if she allowed herself to think it, so could she. Despite it all, she pulls away, her hand leaving his bandaged stomach, and a step is taken, then another. "I'll see you in the mornin'," it won't be morning for either of them, but late afternoon, later in the day, considering the time of morning it was now. "Sleep well."

And that's when she leaves. He ought to sleep. She ought to sleep. She turns. She walks away. It's a simple progression.

--and i?

was just.

FLOORED.

i mean, after reading that, i was PHYSICALLY AMAZED. i think i had to lean my head back, slap my hands over my face, and take a deep breath *LMAO*

HOL

LEE

FUH

CK.

there was like.

dead silence for 5 min

cuz all i could think to type was: "oh my GOD." and i typed that, but didn't send.

Bodhar: ElementalShiva has entered text.

ElementalShiva: oh my GOD.

[then i sent, obviously]

ElementalShiva: (was trying to decide whether or not to send that *LMAO*)

Bodhar: Oh.

Bodhar: (smirks) I hope that was a good oh my god.

Bodhar: (grins) Either that or it was sooooo bad you've gone dead quiet.

ElementalShiva: shaddup *LMAO*

Bodhar: (kidding!)

Bodhar: shaddup yourself.

ElementalShiva: *isn't saying anything!*

Bodhar: (It's five in the morning! I couldn't come up with a better come back)

ElementalShiva: (you did it to yourself!)

Bodhar: (No, Jess did it to me.)

Bodhar: (freely blames Jess)

Bodhar: (never mind the fact that her stuff ended FORTY MINUTES AGO)

i go silent again.

a little later:

ElementalShiva: .oh my GOD.

and a little later still:

ElementalShiva: ho.lee.fuck.

ElementalShiva: (update on wolf's version)

ElementalShiva: *LMAO*

ElementalShiva: btw.

Bodhar: (cracks up)

ElementalShiva: if you're expecting intelligent conversation.

Bodhar: btw?

ElementalShiva: you're not gonna get any.

Bodhar: No, I think I've lost the hope for intelligent conversation.

ElementalShiva: yeeeah.

and at this point, i'm so desperate for yellery i'm YELLING AT JACEN:

ElementalShiva: oh my god..

ElementalShiva: *just point at imogen's post and YELLS*

ZionHegemon: I can't see it

ZionHegemon: Corran gonna spank rag

ElementalShiva: (i know. i don't care *LOL* no wolf, no lessa, no jess - you're next on the list.)

ZionHegemon: ??

ElementalShiva: the yelling list *LOL*

ElementalShiva: sometimes the scene gets intense, and i have to YELL at someone about it

ZionHegemon: Ohhhhh. *G* ok.

ZionHegemon: what'd she do?

ElementalShiva: my GOD...

ElementalShiva: *LMAO*

ZionHegemon: what??

ElementalShiva: well to make it short, she gave him a VERY BAD CASE of blue balls

ElementalShiva: but the writing was just..

ElementalShiva: INCREDI-FUCKIN-BLE

ElementalShiva: *is on the GROUND*

ZionHegemon: lemme see

ElementalShiva: .ho.lee.FUCK.

ElementalShiva: hang on..

ZionHegemon: hehe

(then i c&ped the last two posts)

ElementalShiva: and, i reiterate:

ElementalShiva: oh my GOD.

ElementalShiva: i was like.

ElementalShiva: holy FUCK *LMAO*

ZionHegemon: heh

ElementalShiva: yeeeeah.

ZionHegemon: heh. that's a good way to be fliped over and fucked silly

ElementalShiva: yeah but she just logge dout *LMAO* and i'm in no state of mind to type anymore

then mei:

Bodhar: (Laughing)

Bodhar: (and I'll log back in if you wanted to do a last post and like close to make up for all the other open/closes I've done... I only logged out 'cuz I figured you didn't want to post anymore)

ElementalShiva: no!!!!

ElementalShiva: i'm happy on the ground where i am.

ElementalShiva: keyboard's too far up.

Bodhar: You seem to be managing just fine right now.

ElementalShiva: long arms.

Bodhar: Fine, then.

Bodhar: (grin)

Bodhar: Be that way

--and then a little later--

Bodhar: (and if you think he has a case of blue balls....)

Ahem. Are you de-oh-my-godified? May I go to bed?

[no, i was not de-oh-my-godified. but here's my attempt at a semi-intelligent convo--]

ElementalShiva: (wha? *just DYING*)

no, i'm not. i was trying to avoid typing it again, in case you get creeped out by it *LOL*

Bodhar: (*LMAO* It was NOT because she didn't want to. Damnit. *spells it out* She just had issues with like... him being hurt enough to SHOW it, so she figured it must be pretty bad.)

Heh. I prefer semi-intelligent conversation to "oh my god", yes.

ElementalShiva: (no, i know waht you meant! *dying more* it was just hilarious that you said it. and well! goddammit! gah! *incoherent yelling* one of her paintpeeling stares would have done the job better *smirk*)

*LMAO* i'm trying! *looks for brain*

Bodhar: Now ElementalShiva is typing a lot.

ElementalShiva: oh bah, humbug.

Bodhar: bah humbug you, too.

Bodhar: (*cracking up* Yeah, well, uhm. I don't think she can remember when she last slept, let alone summon up a paint peeling stare)

(offers you half of mine)

Bodhar: (AND, I don't think she decided what she was going to do until she actually pulled away)

ElementalShiva: well, i'm still trying to figure out if she'd sleep tonight, after all *smirk*

Bodhar: (laughs) I'm betting not.

ElementalShiva: i'm not posting again, though *LOL* that made a jawdropping end to the scene.

--so.

yeeeeeah.

so much for pillows and ice and plenty of rest. so much for a large fraction of damon's sanity, too, while he tore his hair out and wondered:

WHERE WERE YOU GUYS!??!?!!?!?!?!?!?!

*POINTS AT SCENE AND YEEEEEEEEELLLS*

holy SHIT. OMFG.

WHERE!

WERE!

YOU!

*stops yelling, goes play sims*

(bed? what's that? hah!)

-damon

PS: LIZ! i have screenshots! wehre were you today? i wanted to show yoU! *LMAO*

PPS: sending this back to myself to keep in my lunacy folder for the next Cleaning Out My Mailbox effort *LMAO*