11.10.2003 [almost 2am]

one last rant.

i fucking hate that i'm an optimist. or rather, i hate the side-effects. which is, because i'm almost always an optimist, and laid back, and ... whatever, y'all seem to expect me to always be one.

hell, even when i lose my temper, y'all get amused. because, yeah. most of the times, when i lose my temper, it's over dumb little shit, and i'm not really losing it. i'm just kinda horsing around and yelling and ranting. and it passes. even when i'm for real, it passes quickly.

i think because i'm usually so laid back about shit, y'all always feel ok about poking a little fun at me. i know you don't mean anything by it. i know, hell, you probably even mean it affectionately. because for whatever fucking reason, it seems to be okay to play a little rough with damon, cuz damon's a nice guy and he won't take it personally.

and that's FINE. that's fucking FINE. i like being laid back. i like being the guy who makes you guys grin.

usually.

but right now, i'm in a fucking pressure cooker. see above rant. and guess what?

right now, i WILL take it fucking personally. i WILL blow the fuck up. and then i WILL get a million aghast stares because hell, damon's not supposed to do that.

and right now, that PISSES me off.

why the hell do i have to be STUCK with my laidback image? why is it NOT okay for me to have a bad day, a bad week, or a bad month? why is it that you all get to have everyone step around you on tenterhooks, but then y'all gets shocked when i say back the fuck off of me?

i swear, people i've known 10 minutes feel okay poking a little fun at me. and 90% of the time, that's fine, that's cool, that's how i play, man. i poke back.

but 10% of the time.

such as RIGHT THE FUCK NOW.

it's not okay.

it is NOT fucking okay to play around with me. i am NOT in a good mood. i WILL get angry. i WILL bite your fucking head off, and then you WILL sit and stare at me and likely get mad at me and get hurt and stupid shit like that.

goddammit.

okay, now i gotta find a somewhat diplomatic way to actually say this to you people, so y'all are forewarned.