11.6.2003 [8ish.]

RANT.

[this is not going to make sense to 99% of the people. if this makes no sense to you, that's a good thing. this rant is not meant for you.]

why do some of you people just NOT understand that sometimes, i get online and i DON'T want to RP?

i'm stressed as hell IRL these days. it's not so much what i have to do immediately as just...bleh, i don't know, general PROBLEMS. just ALWAYS something to do, ALWAYS something around the corner, ALWAYS this feeling that i'm running after something that's running away, and the fast i go the faster it goes, and i just can't catch up to all the shit i need to get done.

i face that day after day after day and sometimes, I NEED A FUCKING BREAK.

and that's why i get online. i get online so i can take a breather. i get online so i can talk with my friends. MY RL FRIENDS, and my closer online friends. aka, the people i ping up and actually have things to say to.

aka part 2, NOT YOU.

guess what? i don't wanna listen to your inane chatter. i don't wanna watch you pretend to be an anime character when you're really 20-something years old and still living off your mama. you have NO life, NO personality, NO brain, and you're probably someone i'd run screaming away from if i ever met you at a party.

furthermore. i don't want to be dragged into RP with you. i don't want to fucking THINK, and when i play with your stupid lameass chars, i have to think. if i don't think, you will bore me to DEATH. if i don't think, you will drag me into the mire of your stupid, retarded, circular, pointless, replacement-for-having-a-real-life ROMANCE NOVEL.

i don't want that.

i don't want to deal with that.

i don't want to deal with YOU.

i just want. some time. to do whatever the fuck i wanna do.

if that's RPing with you, hell, i'll ask you for a scene. if i don't ask you for a scene, you may ask me - ONCE - for a scene. if i turn you the fuck down, ACCEPT IT.

if i've chosen to come online to RP with someone else, DEAL WITH IT. i do not owe you ANYTHING. you do not mean JACK SHIT to me. all your clumsy cutesy attempts at guilttripping in the world will only PISS ME OFF.

if i've chosen to come online only to ignore my AIM list completely and spend my time watching a movie, DO NOT TAKE THIS AS A SIGN THAT YOU ARE ALLOWED TO "PERSUADE" ME TO PLAY WITH YOU. this simply means: i would rather watch a movie i've seen 14 times instead of playing with you. this should be taken as a VERY STRONG HINT.

and finally, if what i wanna do is simply sit the fuck around and stare at the walls, then GET THE FUCK LOST. do not ping me up repeatedly asking me what i'm doing. and what i'm doing now. and what i'm doing NOW. what i am doing has NOTHING to do with you, and if i don't reply to you for several minutes, you should GIVE UP and GO AWAY, because it means i hate your fucking guts at the moment and i'm trying not to scream at you.

when you ping me looking for RP, it pisses me off.

when you ping me looking for RP without actually ASKING for it, thereby making it impossible for me to turn you down outright, thereby keeping the pressure on me all night, it REALLY pisses me off.

now, should i actually lose my mind and begin RPing with you, do NOT keep reminding me on AIM, PMs, and in [fucking brackets] that your char has blah and blah and blah traits that should make her highly desirable. you play like SHIT. your char is a DITZ. i would NEVER fuck your char if i met her IRL, and what's more, my char would never fuck her either. GIVE IT UP.

and. should i keep my sanity and tell you I DO NOT WANT TO PLAY, accept it. ACCEPT IT! do not ask me to play again that night! if i change my mind, you'll know. if i don't, FUCK OFF.

finally. if i seem to be grumpy, guess what? i probably am! and guess what else? your incessant insipid NOISEMAKING is probably contributing to my grumpiness. SO STOP ASKING ME WHAT'S WRONG. REPEATEDLY.

if i don't volunteer the information immediately when you ask me what's wrong, this means i do NOT want to tell you. unlike you, i do NOT like unburdening myself on every warm body that 1's and 0's its way along the motherfucking web.

i just MET you.

i don't KNOW you.

more importantly, YOU DON'T KNOW ME. you are NOT my best friend. you will NOT be my best friend after 3 conversations. you will, most likely, NEVER be my best friend. so STOP trying to pry into my personal life as if that would give you a better chance of getting a scene with me, if only i'd CRY on your fucking SHOULDER first.

NO.

NOT GONNA HAPPEN.

FUCK OFF AND DIE.

i do not exist to RP.
i do not exist to RP with YOU.
i do not exist to play talldarkandhandsome characters your chars can then have crushes on.
i do not exist to be your brainless, sappy, happy motherfucking squeeze toy.
i do not exist to provide you with entertainment while YOU BORE THE FUCK OUT OF ME.

did you get that?

YOU BORE.
THE FUCK.
OUT OF ME.

i am BORED with your shit.

i am BORED with you.

i am BORED with your inane attempts at RP, because they SUCK, you SUCK, and every time you ping me up nosing around for RP like a pig noses for truffles you make me want to rip my internet connection out of the way, chuck it into the bay, and run screaming away from you.

LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE.