7.6.2002 (Original Date 3.14.2002) [Noonish]

So, I'm going to do what my pal Rachel did a while back and Clean Out the Mail-Box. AKA, I'm going to transfer a lot of the scenes, poetry and prose I have saved there onto my diary, which frees up space for me. Yay!

First thing I'm going to clean out is a rather amusing rant I made on the atrociously bad movie (see it if you want a good laugh/wince), Species II. Here goes:

eww, don't watch species II. it's disgusting. *disgusted* though mildly amusing. you ever see the first one? basically they make this half-alien-thang, Sil, who runs around with minimal (sometimes no) clothing and f's men trying to conceive an alien child. Eventually they killed her.

In Species II, she comes back...sorta. they recreate her but suppress her alien side w/ drugs or something...and then some idiot astronauts go to mars (of course, all the bugs come from mars) and bring the alien DNA back, which somehow forms a sludge and infects the woman and the white dude astronaut, but not the black dude because he's needed for comic relief.

so anyway, the woman goes and fucks somebody, and then the baby that's conceived is an alien and explodes out of her belly, killing her, and then kills her hubby. but that kid runs around wild. the white dude, the main male pro/antagonist, fucks this woman (who explodes) and then fucks his girlfriend (who explodes) and then fucks about 30 women (who all explode) and gather up all his cute little children-of-the-corn-esque offspring and put them in the family barn or something like that.

Meanwhile the team from Species I is trying to track him down and they get the bright idea of awakening the half-alien woman's alien side (because she has some link with him which they figure out because every time he has an orgasm she has one too and writhes around sweating and moaning for all the voyeurs to drool over). so they awaken her alien side, right? and suddenly they have telepathic communication and he's in the middle of f'ing yet another woman when he stops and goes, "EVE" (that's her name) and she goes, "PATRICK" (that's his name)

and then he sets off looking for her and the team catches him and he's like, oh okay, i don't mind going in for tests and then they STUPIDLY put him in the same room as eve though eve's in a big super-strong transparent holding room thing and--this is the best scene in the movie--he runs up to her and they're like, all attracted through the glass and it's all kinda sad and stuff because they're both right up against the glass but they can't touch (felt sorry for 'em) and then he demands that they open the thing and let her out, but they won't and he gets violent and they spray him with alien bug killer and he screams and runs away.

and then she breaks out.

stupid girl.

she couldn't break out when her lover was RIGHT THERE, yet she can when he's gone? wtf?

anyway, so she goes to his barn and they follow her and there's ALL these cocoons of alien babies there and they're upstairs (and this is a cool part too, i guess, when they meet again). and it was sickly sad when the two half-aliens got together, like they'd be waiting for ages. which they have. it's like they're at opposite ends of the barn's attic and she drops her dress and he tears off his shirt and they don't say a word and just come together and like...

...well, they start having sex. but it's all mixed in with grotesque flashes of aliens having sex, tentacles and spikes and slime, but she's an oddly lovely alien with these great big tilting eyes and...ooo, i liked her. hee. she looked better in this movie than the last one. but he was HIDEOUS. my god. she looked vaguely human. he wasn't even bipedal and he had this great big demon-face thang and...uckk.

anyway, meanwhile, the team's killing the alien babies and then the team leader, this butch (FAT) macho (FAT) idiot, runs upstairs. and i guess he's supposed to be really beefy and manly or something but he's just FAT as far as i can see and i keep thinking, uck uck, pig-grease when i look at him. but anyway the woman scientist, who has this soul-sistah-type bond w/ Eve, tells him not to kill her and he goes up and they're both in full-blown alien form now (it's DISGUSTING, tentacles come out of her NIPPLES. that sounds PAINFUL) and he's like, "GET AWAY, EVE!" and the big bad monster hears and lurches out, roaring--

OOOO. i know what he looked like. a ZULO MONSTER! that's it! think Zulo. big ropey dangling arms, crooked spine, fast and REALLY STRONG and hideous.

so anyway he bats the dude to one side of the room, and now the other two team members run up and they get batted to the OTHER side of the room and the woman screams, "HELP US, EVE!"

and this is so funny: she's like kinda lounging/crouching there, all afterglowy with her great big slanty eyes all half-closed and dreamy. hahahah! it was hilarious. but she hears, right? and the great big alien male's crouched over her all protectively, and she does something and POPS SPINES OUT HER BACK AND STAAAABS HIM!

she BETRAYS HIM!!!

oh no!!!

how sad!!!

(I think i'm making this movie sound more interesting than it is. it's mostly just sick)

so the male's REALLY PISSED. he lurches forward, roaring, and then he thinks it over, turns around, and thwacks his mate across the room. and while she's apparently strong enough to rip a steel door off its hinges and throw it 30 feet, she can't throw him off and he KILLS HER!

(it's really sick. his head splits into two and then this big long tentacle (ahemPENISahem) thing shoves into her mouth and he chokes her to death or something. wtf! it's like some sicko teenager's snuff fantasy.)

but this is funny part #2: the woman scuttles over to poor dead Eve and goes, "Eve! OH NO! YOU KILLED HER, YOU DISGUSTING SONOFABITCH!" and lets loose with alien killer spray and then they all gang up on the big strong alien who was strong enough to make she-who-rips-doors-off-and-throws-them-30-ft seem weakless, and he falls with hardly any effort at all.

stupid movie.

and then in the VERY end, apparently the little kid from the WOMAN who went to space (who died early, remember?) has sex with dead-Eve, and this thing pops outta her belly, and it blacks out.

stupid stupid stupid movie.

which is why i had to tell you about it.